HOW TO IMPRESS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET by Dan O’Day If you’re like me (and I know I am), your e-mailbox receives tons of unsolicited bits of unsolicited, alleged humor. It seems that everyone who can count to ten thinks they are qualified to write a funny Top 10 list. So they take a minute or two to create their masterpiece o’chuckles, hit a couple of computer keys, and voila! — 50,000 more-or-less innocent Internet victims simultaneously are sent "The Top 10 Reasons Why Orthodontists Are Sexier Than Periodontists." Before you add to this flood of lame e-rantings, here is a series of easy-to-follow tips to maximize the degree to which everyone will be impressed by your wit. First, think about what you want to say. Really give it some thought before you ever begin to immortalize your musing in print, bits or bytes. Then, write a first draft of what you think you want to say. Next, go through this first draft and delete EVERY word that isn’t absolutely crucial to your message. Look at your edited copy. Now go through each word AGAIN, ferreting out the words & phrases which really aren’t necessary. Now go through your newly revised copy and see how many tired, hackneyed expressions you can replace with new, fresh, original representations. Read through the entire missive once more. Check for misspellings, typographical errors, grammatical and/or punctuation errors, and redundancies. Read it aloud to test the flow of the piece. Think about this newest draft for a couple of days. Then go back to it and replace any and all words and phrases that don’t jump off the page at the reader. Now reread the piece you have so diligently birthed, nurtured, edited and revised. Once you are absolutely certain that there is nothing you can do to improve the clarity of thought expressed and or to enhance the impact of the message.... ....Just leave it on your computer.